A Small Slice of Life

For two years I lived in Iowa, in the heartland of America. The population of the town I lived in  was around 1,000 people, most of whom were farmers who had lived in the area for generations. Having lived on and farmed the land passed down by their parents and their grandparents. While most people in town were born and raised in the surrounding region, that was not the case in my apartment complex. A number of people were from other places such as Florida, Michigan,  Nebraska and even New Jersey.

My neighbor from New Jersey was an exceptionally good baker. She had recipes for cookies,  pies, and a number of sugary sweets. I remember one time she even made a funnel cake, topped  with a generous helping of powdered sugar. Nearly every time I went over to her apartment, I  was greeted with a new culinary delight to sink my teeth into. Despite the frequency of my visits, which were on average once a week, I remained grateful whenever she gave me food. I am not  too great of a cook, and tasting her freshly baked desserts made my day. Especially when she  chose to bake my favorite cookies, a bow tie variety with apricot and pineapple preserves inside.  Since leaving Iowa, I have continued to keep in touch with her, but I no longer have the pleasure  of eating her baked goods. It is during those times when I think about the delicious desserts I  once had at her place, that I miss her the most.

Missing someone or someplace is a natural and normal thing. One part of growing up and  growing older, is leaving behind places and people as you travel to faraway places and  experience new things. I remember watching a YouTube video about the loss of friendship a  while back, and there was an excellent line I want to share. The speaker said that no matter when a relationship ends, one should choose to cherish those moments they had with the other person,  not carry resentment because they are no longer as close. Of course when looking back at a  friendship that ended on good terms this is easy to do. But when they do not, this is incredibly  difficult, negative memories are on average more likely to be remembered than positive ones.  Regardless of how a relationship has ended, it is important, not vital, to reach a level of  acceptance and acknowledgement of the extent of the relationship as it was, since some friends  are only meant to be had for a short period of time. There are three time periods of a friendship,  those that are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Those people who come into your life for a reason, are individuals that you stay connected with  only when that reason is present. Take for example those you have a single class with in college,  and that class was the only reason your friendship existed. Then, when the class ends, you are no longer close anymore, this would be an example of a friend for a reason. If instead you were  friends when you were in elementary school all the way through high school because they lived  in the same region of the state, but then when you went off to college you lost touch, that person  was likely a friendship for a season. You stay close during a specific period of your life only.  Other examples include when you are living the single life you may have a certain friend(s)  verses when you have kids. These friendships may last for years, but when your life shifts to a  new path, those friendships do not continue.

An example of a lifetime friendship is someone who you continue to be friends with even when  there are not the same reasons to stay friends or the same experiences in life that are bringing you together. During times when it is hard to communicate with each other because of time  zones, busy schedules or even simply being glued to a significant other, communication persists. These friendships last a lifetime not because they are easy but because each person in the  friendship continues to put forth effort to make the relationship work during the hard times. But  just putting in the work does not mean the friendship remains strong. Even when someone puts  forth the most effort they can, some friendships are just not meant to last forever. When we do  not know why a friendship ends, that is often the saddest and the hardest to deal with.

No matter if your friendship is based on delicious desserts, a shared dislike of the color yellow  or being located in the same zip code, cherish every friendship for however long you have it. Take the time when needed to experience whatever feelings of loss you may have when a  friendship ends but do not dwell in that misery. You are bound to have more friends in your  future, some of them will undoubtedly last a short time, some for longer and some for life. There are over 7 billion people in the world right now and that is a lot of potential friends.