December 2021
I get migraines.
They can be pretty rough, and as much as I try to minimize my risk of getting one, some days they just show up and blind me. I’ve arranged my office so that there’s a tall blue filing cabinet not quite tucked in the corner, but there’s about an 18-inch gap between it and the wall. I keep a blanket there and when the migraine monster attacks, I crawl in and cover my face and lay in the relieving darkness as the nauseating aura flashes and rolls before my eyes. Sometimes I fall asleep, but only for a few minutes. When I emerge, I am able to not only see my computer, but continue on with my work.
It’s really important to me that I’ve created this tiny space for myself, because if I try to push through without this respite, the migraine lasts longer and makes me feel worse. I lean into my weakness by taking a quick nap.
I’ve noticed that strength is often equated to not having any weaknesses. Maybe that’s the source of our crippling imposter syndrome or the reason we didn’t apply for our dream fellowship or job. We look at people who we think are successful and think, “they don’t struggle like I do,” or “that comes so naturally for them,” or “I have so much more to overcome.” We look at experts and despite all logic, we just know that they were born that way. What if they just learned how to plan for their weaknesses?
Here’s an example. You’ve heard that physical exercise is good for you. You know it, you believe it, but you just can NOT get yourself to lift a weight or get your heart rate up. You pay someone to write a fitness plan for you, you buy a gym membership, but no matter how hard you try, you never go. And then a friend asks you to come with them. So, you sign up for group fitness classes or you join a run club and all of the sudden, the task of exercise becomes something that you can do, because now you get to catch up with a friend while you do it. Some people act like needing other people around you is a weakness; if it is, who cares? Recognize that you need people to workout and lean into that.
Or maybe you’re not hopelessly socially motivated like I am. Maybe you have an expensive membership at a gym with group classes, because the experts say fitness is better in groups. But working out with other people is the LAST thing you want to do after a long day at work. You don’t have to do group fitness just because it’s the hot thing and it helps some people stay committed. Your social tank is empty, so embrace that. Don’t schedule a social workout you’ll skip just because you want to be alone.
In this stage of my Ph.D., I’m doing a lot of writing. That’s a pretty creative endeavor, even if it’s a combination of scientific jargon, abbreviations, and a staggering lack of syntactic variety. When I was doing long experiment days, I started my days early so I could be done earlier. When I try to write in the morning… let’s just say it’s not worth reading. I wish that I could wake up and get the bulk of a days reading and writing done by 2 or 3 pm so I have some daylight left and have time to hit the gym and hangout with friends in the evening. Do you know what my weakness is?
I’m a night owl. A moderate one, but a night owl nonetheless. I can do technical tasks all day, but when I really shine creatively, the sun is down. I am finally taking advantage of my flexible, student schedule and decided to work a few hours in the morning—technical endeavors and formatting graphs. Then I leave and hit the gym, go on a walk, and eat an early dinner. Sometime between 6 and 7 pm, I make my way back to my office and I am able to focus and write unlike anything I can do during the day. *knocks on wood* I was struggling so much trying to fit my life into the schedule I thought was best and my productivity was failing. I thought my weakness, my inability to focus, was overtaking me and becoming a part of who I was. Then I embraced it. I cannot pay attention to anything between 3-5 pm, and I don’t have to pretend like I can anymore.
I’m really trying to embrace my weaknesses because if I don’t, I think I’m going to get overwhelmed. Trying to finish a Ph.D. has brought me to the end of the skills I have available—I think it’s just weakness from here on out. That doesn’t mean I can’t finish well.
Do you allow room for your weaknesses? Let me know in the comments!
— Kalen Johnson
Kalen is a doctoral candidate in the College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences.
They can be pretty rough, and as much as I try to minimize my risk of getting one, some days they just show up and blind me. I’ve arranged my office so that there’s a tall blue filing cabinet not quite tucked in the corner, but there’s about an 18-inch gap between it and the wall. I keep a blanket there and when the migraine monster attacks, I crawl in and cover my face and lay in the relieving darkness as the nauseating aura flashes and rolls before my eyes. Sometimes I fall asleep, but only for a few minutes. When I emerge, I am able to not only see my computer, but continue on with my work.
It’s really important to me that I’ve created this tiny space for myself, because if I try to push through without this respite, the migraine lasts longer and makes me feel worse. I lean into my weakness by taking a quick nap.
I’ve noticed that strength is often equated to not having any weaknesses. Maybe that’s the source of our crippling imposter syndrome or the reason we didn’t apply for our dream fellowship or job. We look at people who we think are successful and think, “they don’t struggle like I do,” or “that comes so naturally for them,” or “I have so much more to overcome.” We look at experts and despite all logic, we just know that they were born that way. What if they just learned how to plan for their weaknesses?
Here’s an example. You’ve heard that physical exercise is good for you. You know it, you believe it, but you just can NOT get yourself to lift a weight or get your heart rate up. You pay someone to write a fitness plan for you, you buy a gym membership, but no matter how hard you try, you never go. And then a friend asks you to come with them. So, you sign up for group fitness classes or you join a run club and all of the sudden, the task of exercise becomes something that you can do, because now you get to catch up with a friend while you do it. Some people act like needing other people around you is a weakness; if it is, who cares? Recognize that you need people to workout and lean into that.
Or maybe you’re not hopelessly socially motivated like I am. Maybe you have an expensive membership at a gym with group classes, because the experts say fitness is better in groups. But working out with other people is the LAST thing you want to do after a long day at work. You don’t have to do group fitness just because it’s the hot thing and it helps some people stay committed. Your social tank is empty, so embrace that. Don’t schedule a social workout you’ll skip just because you want to be alone.
In this stage of my Ph.D., I’m doing a lot of writing. That’s a pretty creative endeavor, even if it’s a combination of scientific jargon, abbreviations, and a staggering lack of syntactic variety. When I was doing long experiment days, I started my days early so I could be done earlier. When I try to write in the morning… let’s just say it’s not worth reading. I wish that I could wake up and get the bulk of a days reading and writing done by 2 or 3 pm so I have some daylight left and have time to hit the gym and hangout with friends in the evening. Do you know what my weakness is?
I’m a night owl. A moderate one, but a night owl nonetheless. I can do technical tasks all day, but when I really shine creatively, the sun is down. I am finally taking advantage of my flexible, student schedule and decided to work a few hours in the morning—technical endeavors and formatting graphs. Then I leave and hit the gym, go on a walk, and eat an early dinner. Sometime between 6 and 7 pm, I make my way back to my office and I am able to focus and write unlike anything I can do during the day. *knocks on wood* I was struggling so much trying to fit my life into the schedule I thought was best and my productivity was failing. I thought my weakness, my inability to focus, was overtaking me and becoming a part of who I was. Then I embraced it. I cannot pay attention to anything between 3-5 pm, and I don’t have to pretend like I can anymore.
I’m really trying to embrace my weaknesses because if I don’t, I think I’m going to get overwhelmed. Trying to finish a Ph.D. has brought me to the end of the skills I have available—I think it’s just weakness from here on out. That doesn’t mean I can’t finish well.
Do you allow room for your weaknesses? Let me know in the comments!
— Kalen Johnson
Kalen is a doctoral candidate in the College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences.