Taking the Harshness Out of My Inner Critic

By Gabbi Figueroa

Boss music from the game Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time starts to play. Imagine a boxing ring with a metal desk typically used for interrogations set in the middle. No punches will be thrown in this fight, rather this is a battle of the mind, fitting for a student of the mind. Who will come out on top to win this final boss fight of Spring 2025?

I walk into the boxing ring at the same pace as my harsh inner critic. She is wearing a sleek pantsuit with a clipboard and pen in hand. I should have suspected she would have notes to take on my performance trying to convince her of a gentler way to support my personal and academic growth. 

No mention of a clean fair fight, but the loud bell rings anyway and a voice from the intercom yells…Fight!

What a fun way to tackle a very serious dilemma on why I cannot accept myself as I am. My mom used to talk about how she always needed to make everything a game for me to participate willingly, and clearly this remains true today. I really do appreciate the whimsy I carry through my everyday life, and I realized how important it is for me to tackle important issues with that same creativity and joy. 

So, after sitting across from my harsh inner critic at this interrogation table, I begin by asking about its intentions for me. “What do you intend for me to feel when you constantly tell me what is wrong with me?”

My harsh inner critic sits up straight with the answer to this question on the tip of her tongue before I finish asking. “My dear, I only have the best of intentions for you. When I push you beyond your limits, it is because I care for your advancement as a student, daughter, and academic. When I tell you how you can improve, it is because I can see your flaws are holding you back. If you know what you need to fix, you can actually fix it.”

I recognize how she twists her logic to seem more positive than it comes across. And so, I ask her, “Has it occurred to you that never celebrating my small wins could be harming my sense of self? That deep down you do not believe I will ever be good enough?”

My inner critic falters here, almost as though she is taken aback. The music playing in the background softens to only piano melodies. “I only see your potential, I have always believed you were capable of amazing things. I actively know that you are capable of amazing things, but you do not always have success at the top of your mind. I am the one that keeps you moving forward. Without pressure, I have seen you struggle to push beyond your fear of failure. I need to be strict and look toward the future, because celebrating the past does not lead to forward progress.”

I sense a care in her voice now, she is not so stoic anymore. As a final question that genuinely brings sadness to my voice, “Will you ever accept me as I am instead of trying to mold me into who you think I should be?”

She drops her harsh tone but maintains her poise. “Do you feel like I do not accept you as you are?...Genuinely that has never been my intention. I remind you of your flaws in order to bring them to your awareness…but you are not your flaws. I want to protect you from failure, because hearing my criticism could prevent you from faltering and feeling like an embarrassment.”

To finish this battle for control over my mind, I present my case to my harsh inner critic. “I thank you for your service that you have provided to my academic and personal life. You demonstrate your care and appreciation for me and my well-being, but you do not consider that I am allowed to trust myself. To truly succeed, I need to trust myself and my abilities. Please, allow me to succeed, fail, and grow as I move through this program. I need to know how to improve, but I do not need to be reminded of my flaws and idiosyncrasies as though they hinder my strengths. I am not you. You will not control me anymore. I need you to trust me to do my best.”

The lights go out, and we both take our separate exits. The lights come back on inviting you to bring peace between you and your harsh inner critic. This process has honestly been quite therapeutic for me. If you struggle with a harsh inner critic, maybe personifying them and establishing their intentions can help you as well.

What does your inner critic look like? If you were to ask them these questions, what would they say? What are you going to say to your inner critic to quiet their harshness?