As I wrap up my final “long semester” of my course-taking career, I have found myself in a number of situations where I am being asked for advice from new or aspiring Ph.D. students.  It’s strange because it feels like it was just yesterday and a million years ago that I started down this road.  It’s also strange that anyone would look at what I have done and think, “Yeah, Neil looks like he has done things in such a way as to suggest he has a clue how he did it.”  And while explaining that “if you flail your arms enough, it looks like swimming to some people” is not super helpful, people keep asking me for tips.  So here they are:

1. Figure out your priorities.  Understand that you have things that matter to you in life.  We all do.  Find the things that feed you and give you joy — all the things that you cannot live without — and then rank them.  You’re going to “Sophie’s choice” a lot of stuff.  Try and plan all you want, but in a 3-5 year program, eventually you’re going to have a paper due the week of a best friend’s wedding, or you’re going to have class during the finals of a PeeWee League Championship.  It’s going to happen.  So do the hard work of really interrogating your priorities early on in the process. Trust me.  I’m not saying the order won’t change, or that your top 5 won’t take turns (that paper might lose out to “The Princess Ballet” this time), but the earlier you can define your worlds, the better.  For me, it was family, work, school.  They all got a turn at #1, and there were times I wanted to throw each of them in the trash.  But they also each fed me, and they each gave me a reason to be proud, and strong, and to dig deep.
2. Figure out your “why?” or at least your “why now?” and don’t you DARE let anyone shame you for it.  Some will say you are a jerk because your “why” is that you “just really like school.” To that, I would say firstly, “So what, Todd? I like college! It’s the first place where being a nerd who cares about stuff is actually valued, and I don’t want to leave it right now.”  That’s okay.  Don’t listen to Todd. Secondly, if it motivates you to keep going — and it’s not amoral Gerbels-type stuff — I cannot believe there is a bad “why” so long as it works.  There are times when having a Ph.D. after my name — just thinking about what my dad would have thought of me being “Dr. Golemo” (even if it isn’t “the kind of doctor that actually helps people”) — really fills me with true pride and joy.  I know I am supposed to be about the research and the work — I really DO love that, and it has become my favorite part of Academia — but there are times where I just want to finish and be able to wake up late on a Saturday morning and not feel guilty about a paper I have yet to finish.  Find your “why” and use it until it doesn’t, and then find another one.
3. Make folders and save EVERYTHING.  Right now, if you have not already, start a folder on Google Drive or a OneDrive that belongs to you and only you, label it “Ph.D.” or “Grad School,” and then start filling it with all of your stuff.  For me, I have a folder for each semester, with a sub-folder for each of my classes, with subfolders for all of my assignments (one for ”in-progress” and one for “complete w/ edits”), readings, syllabi, sources, etc.  I also have a folder titled “application,” where I kept all of my documents for my application, and separate folders for every scholarship, FAFSA, and tuition tax form.  Save it ALL.  One time I met another student looking to take a class I have already taken.  I straight-up took my folder and copied it onto a USB-drive, removed my assignments, and gave them the drive with all the readings and the old syllabus.  That student has bought me five cups of coffee. I don’t like coffee, but I do like overpriced things, so I still call it a “win.”
4. Get a nice bag/briefcase.  Do it right away.  Spend some money and invest in something leather, with pockets for extra pens, notebooks, your laptop, chargers, highlighters, Tylenol and paperclips.  Keep a folder for each of your classes in it, with a paper copy of your syllabus, at least one printed-out reading, and something you’ve been wanting to read, but haven’t yet.  If you find yourself stuck in a waiting room, or on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck, then at least you won’t find your time completely wasted.  Make it professional and spring for the leather.  I know I have everything I need to be a student in my bag, and I make a point of having it ready to go every night before I go to sleep.  There are times when that is the only thing that has gone “right” for me in a day, and I do not know what I would have done if I did not at least have that.  Get yourself a nice student bag or briefcase.
5. Imposter syndrome is real-ly dumb, and you will hate it and also beat it.  Listen, there are parts of you that will wonder how you got “in,” and you will think it was a mistake and that you are not capable, and you will want to run away.  Please, let this privileged white guy share with you something about “unearned confidence.”  First, everyone feels that way sometimes.  Anyone who says they don’t feel like an imposter is either a sociopath or lying.  Secondly, you are going to meet some really, incredibly dumb people who have “Ph.D.” after their names. If they can do it, you can.  Getting a graduate degree is more about tenacity than being “gifted.”  I have met people who are gifted and people who are tenacious and some that are both.  If I am being honest, the ones who impress me the most are the tenacious ones.  The thing about “gifts” is that you do not have control over which ones you have, they are limited, and can only take you so far.  “Tenacity,” on the other hand, you can manufacture. When you do, there is rarely a problem you cannot “hard work” your way out of if you have enough time.  I marvel at talent, but I respect hard work.
6. Find your people.  A lot of programs have a cohort model, and many do not.  If you want to survive in the jungle of Higher Ed, you’re going to need a pack.  No one is going to be on their A-game all the time, and it’s silly to think you could.  You need to find a group of people that you can rely upon.  I am lucky that I found mine on my literal first day of my program.  I made a decision to invest in these people and a gamble that they would invest in me.  We take at least one class every semester together.  We remind each other of deadlines, give pep talks and deliver [UberEats] chicken soup to each other when we’re sick, and we share notes, frustrations and aspirations.  My cohort has watched me become a father, and I have seen them get married and buy homes and choose a dissertation committee.  No one gets the version of me that they do.  I do not have to explain context to them.  They just “get it” when something wild happens in class.  I have already decided how I am going to misspell their names in the acknowledgements section of my dissertation.  Find your people.  I put this last on my list, but it is by far the most important bullet.  Find your people.

This is the advice I have for anyone who asks me.  It is the advice I wish someone would have given me, even if I realize I may have just ignored it.  You will get a LOT of advice over the next few years — some of it will be so good you will cry, and some of it will be so bad you will cry.  You will likely cry a lot, is what I am saying.  You are also going to have some incredible highs.  You will discover your depth in ways that will astonish you.  You will get smarter and feel so dumb.  You will do amazing things.

A graduate school degree is nothing more than a million different decisions.  It is all little things that make up one big thing.  It can feel overwhelming.  When I would feel overwhelmed as a child, my father would ask me, “How do we eat an elephant?”  I would imagine a really big knife and a bottle of ketchup — and my father would interject, “ONE BITE AT A TIME!”  That’s it.  You are already hungry, or you wouldn’t be here on the GPS blog space. So just find your bite, sink your teeth and chew.

— Neil Golemo

Neil is a doctoral student in the Department of Education Administration and Human Resource Development.