If you missed my first post, I suffer from anxiety, and finally decided in my fifth year of graduate school to go see a therapist about it. I was, you guessed it, very nervous about the first appointment, but since then each appointment has gotten easier, and I’m getting used to talking to someone about how I’m feeling.

Although the appointments got easier, I found myself getting less out of them the longer I went. And it didn’t feel like I was getting better, therefore requiring less from my therapist each time - it was more like sometimes we had good talks about the things I was thinking about, but other times I would leave unsure of why I went that day at all, or worse- more anxious than I was when I got to therapy.

Sometimes we would talk about what I wanted to- I would bring up, as confidently as I could, what I was thinking about and what was making me nervous, and those days were good. We would talk through what I was thinking about- sometimes the advice felt validating and effective, some of it didn’t really help, but I figured that was part of the process of getting to know a therapist.

Other days we would spend half of the session on random topics. I could never seem to remember how we got off topic, but I would start to feel stuck in a conversation about something that I didn’t want to talk about. Sometimes these conversations would make me feel jittery, on edge, uncertain… even, anxious!

After a particularly tough day that felt, somehow, tougher after therapy, I decided to call it quits with the therapist I had been seeing.

I was also nervous to do this- I was worried they wouldn’t like me anymore, and that if I ever needed anything from them like records or a referral or anything that it would be awkward. However, somewhat removed from the decision now, it was certainly a good call - there’s no reason to make a weekly/bi-weekly co-pay to someone who isn’t helping you with what you asked them to.

Turns out, it’s totally normal to switch therapists too! I didn’t realize how common it was to try out different people before deciding who really sits best with you and what you want to work on. So that’s where I’m at now- searching for someone who will help me feel better, and not occasionally worse!

So, if you’re on a journey looking for someone to talk to as well, you’re not alone, it’s okay to decide someone isn’t for you and keep looking! I’m sure we are bound to find someone who will listen and advise just as we need them to.