Adulting

Adult (n): A person who is at least 18 years of age.

Adult (v): The act of being a responsible human being and taking care of yourself, business, attitude, and whatever people you pick up in your life along the way.

This year I turned 30.

It was a weird moment because I don’t feel 30. One minute I was 20, in college on my own. Finally satisfied with living on my own, having my own schedule, my own set of friends, and feeling comfortable. Then I blinked and turned 30.

Admitting that I needed to adult was difficult. The adjustment was hard. Not quite as hard as going through puberty—I wouldn’t wish those years on my worst enemy—but difficult nonetheless. Within that decade, the American culture has you go through so many HUGE milestones to be considered adult that it’s no wonder by the time you’ve reached your thirties you want to settle down! In ten measly years I graduated college, got married, got my first job, had my first baby, moved across the country, worked some more, had another baby, bought our first house, and started graduate school while working full time with two kids and a husband.

Within that time frame a mental change had to happen—a change that I resisted and resisted. I wanted to be the same person I had been in college. I had to swallow a giant pill that, because of my life choices within such a small decade, was staring me in the face: am I going to adult?

After I had my second baby I had a breakdown with postpartum depression. It’s rough, ya’ll. I resented my baby because in my depressed mind I had it in my head that he was ruining all of my opportunities to grow in my career and become the person I wanted to be. My sick mental state resented my husband because I thought he was the only one that wanted a second child and he wanted me to be your stereotypical ‘50s housewife who cleaned all day, cooked beautiful meals, and had his children bathed and fully dressed by the time he came home with fido greeting him at the door. I was miserable, so I went to a therapist.

Once she was done listening to my hyperbolized sucky life and crushed dreams, she told me—in a nice way—that I’m struggling letting go of who I was and turning into a new person that I wasn’t sure how to be. AKA, suck it up buttercup, you’re an adult now: time to change! She helped me walk through ways I can talk to my husband about my anxieties of how I feel he expected me to be (by the way, none of those things were true…my husband loves that I love my job and picks up extra duties at his so he can help support me through grad school. He’s awesome). She walked me through the common sense idea that having kids doesn’t mean your dreams are dashed forever and you can still do the things you want—you just have two kids in tow so your path might look different (by the way, my mom has worked my entire life and is very successful at what she does with four kids). She also helped me get out of the nastiest funk to realize that my new baby boy was wonderful and my life without him would be a lot less rewarding (he’s two now and hilarious with the cutest curls).

After a year or so, I decided I am officially adulting. It’s weird and sometimes I have to remind myself I’m not 23 anymore, but (no offense) all it takes is to hang around early 20-somethings and realize that I am definitely not that way anymore.

I am no longer comparing myself to what I wish I was and I’m being myself in the present with my unbathed and partially clothed children. I’ll try things to help me be better tomorrow, but day-by-day I am going to adult the only way I know how for right now.

Below I have two poems that I have written that are a part of a poetry series I’m working on about that transition stages of “adulting.” Enjoy!

Being A 20-Something

is having ambitions

is striving to be THE best

is knowing you are an adult

is “finding” yourself

is staying up late because you can

is finding “the one”

is not letting anyone or anything get in your way because you are the best and no one              

can tell you otherwise,

Damn it.

 

Being A 30-Something

is settling in

is reprioritizing

is remembering what not to do

is forgetting yourself

is finding faith

is learning what you really want to be when you grow up

is—please don’t swear around my 3 year-old or I just might beat you with my shoe,

Darnit.

---Samantha Weed
Samantha Weed is a Masters student in the College of Education