December 2021
Little act of kindness spotted when working the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
We’re here in graduate school to become ‘better’ versions of ourselves, be it emotionally maturing, mentally improving, or (let’s be honest here) to be worth more monetary value in our respective fields at the end of this stint. In one way or another, to get to where we are we completed the trifecta: right thoughts, right words, and right actions. Now that we’re here, how do we continue this?
Let’s break it down. Right thoughts. I’ve had moments where I was certain I was right, and upon further review, I was not (oops). Those can be embarrassing, especially when you only recognize your wrong thought process due to someone else correcting you. That wrong thought isn’t the one I’m going to hone in on because everyone has those, and it would be useless to focus on small mistakes like that. The right or wrong thought is the one that comes after. Do we (A) learn from it, (B) question our self-worth, or (C) lean in and insist that we were right to save face? Written down, it seems silly, of course we know what answer to pick; we know what’s ‘right,’ but which one do we really pick when it first happens? Usually, B or C. They are faster, easier, and therefore – as most things that are faster and easier – wrong in the long run. As counter as it may sound, it looks smart when someone admits ‘I thought this, and I learned I was wrong’ because it shows that they really grasp the concept now and are grown enough to admit they are not infallible. Similar to admitting when we were wrong, it looks better to admit you don’t know an answer than talking in a circle where everyone can tell you don’t know it. We should stop creating such a culture in academia to shame people who make mistakes because of a misunderstanding; that only leads to more self-pity and insistence of wrong thoughts instead of improvement, and in the end that helps no one. Yes, we’re in a higher position compared to being an undergrad, but we are not infallible, and we won’t be when we successfully leave, and neither will our eventual boss or our boss’s boss (but we’ll let them think they are). So, let’s be kind to the misunderstandings we and others have.
Okay, next: right words. I am notoriously bad at remembering the names of anything, which will make the oral part of prelims extra fun, but that’s a good example of right thought, wrong word. Other wrong words can stem from wrong thoughts; rarely does a right word come from a wrong thought. Right words can be knowing what things are called, but maybe more importantly it is interpersonal. When interacting with others, keep to kindness. Sure, we’re here for our careers, but it’s stressful; now more than ever do our peers need us to speak kindly. People remember who was kind and who was not, and rarely is the unkind favored for anything. Someone gave me a compliment about something I hated, and now I’m rather proud of it. Affirmation is good, even small ones.
Finally, right actions. Our thoughts can become actions instead of words. Our resumes, filled with words, are actions we completed that made us desirable. The insult, ‘all talk, no action,’ can come into play in academia. To stay here – to complete your degree, to have things to write about in your thesis or dissertation or whatever exam – you have to put in the work. And work can vary greatly, some of it we will love, and other times we will be begging for it to end before it begins, but we’ll get it done. If all you did was read papers all day, that’s work; if you sat in meetings, that’s work too. The small acts are just as important to get to the finish line. You’ll never get far if you only have broad ideas and nothing to back them up; if people ask “how?” and it can’t be answered, you have thoughts and words, not actions. The actions are an integral part of being here and getting out of here. In terms of kindness –since that appears to be my unintended theme for this piece – there are universal things we can all agree to do to make working easier on everyone. The one key to this portion is to not spread ourselves too thin. In moderation kindness is good, but if you get so caught up in other people’s projects to not get your own work done, that gets into the territory of needing to cut things off for your own sake because you are being unkind to yourself, and you do need to put yourself first. That’s the most important action in the long run. Kindness to yourself does not necessarily mean you will be unkind to others, nor does it mean that you are soft and narcissistic. You are the one person who you can rely on to promote yourself. Keeping this trifecta in mind ensures you will be the best you can be.
– Cara Deromedi
Cara is a doctoral student in the Department of Plant Pathology and Microbiology.
We’re here in graduate school to become ‘better’ versions of ourselves, be it emotionally maturing, mentally improving, or (let’s be honest here) to be worth more monetary value in our respective fields at the end of this stint. In one way or another, to get to where we are we completed the trifecta: right thoughts, right words, and right actions. Now that we’re here, how do we continue this?
Let’s break it down. Right thoughts. I’ve had moments where I was certain I was right, and upon further review, I was not (oops). Those can be embarrassing, especially when you only recognize your wrong thought process due to someone else correcting you. That wrong thought isn’t the one I’m going to hone in on because everyone has those, and it would be useless to focus on small mistakes like that. The right or wrong thought is the one that comes after. Do we (A) learn from it, (B) question our self-worth, or (C) lean in and insist that we were right to save face? Written down, it seems silly, of course we know what answer to pick; we know what’s ‘right,’ but which one do we really pick when it first happens? Usually, B or C. They are faster, easier, and therefore – as most things that are faster and easier – wrong in the long run. As counter as it may sound, it looks smart when someone admits ‘I thought this, and I learned I was wrong’ because it shows that they really grasp the concept now and are grown enough to admit they are not infallible. Similar to admitting when we were wrong, it looks better to admit you don’t know an answer than talking in a circle where everyone can tell you don’t know it. We should stop creating such a culture in academia to shame people who make mistakes because of a misunderstanding; that only leads to more self-pity and insistence of wrong thoughts instead of improvement, and in the end that helps no one. Yes, we’re in a higher position compared to being an undergrad, but we are not infallible, and we won’t be when we successfully leave, and neither will our eventual boss or our boss’s boss (but we’ll let them think they are). So, let’s be kind to the misunderstandings we and others have.
Okay, next: right words. I am notoriously bad at remembering the names of anything, which will make the oral part of prelims extra fun, but that’s a good example of right thought, wrong word. Other wrong words can stem from wrong thoughts; rarely does a right word come from a wrong thought. Right words can be knowing what things are called, but maybe more importantly it is interpersonal. When interacting with others, keep to kindness. Sure, we’re here for our careers, but it’s stressful; now more than ever do our peers need us to speak kindly. People remember who was kind and who was not, and rarely is the unkind favored for anything. Someone gave me a compliment about something I hated, and now I’m rather proud of it. Affirmation is good, even small ones.
Finally, right actions. Our thoughts can become actions instead of words. Our resumes, filled with words, are actions we completed that made us desirable. The insult, ‘all talk, no action,’ can come into play in academia. To stay here – to complete your degree, to have things to write about in your thesis or dissertation or whatever exam – you have to put in the work. And work can vary greatly, some of it we will love, and other times we will be begging for it to end before it begins, but we’ll get it done. If all you did was read papers all day, that’s work; if you sat in meetings, that’s work too. The small acts are just as important to get to the finish line. You’ll never get far if you only have broad ideas and nothing to back them up; if people ask “how?” and it can’t be answered, you have thoughts and words, not actions. The actions are an integral part of being here and getting out of here. In terms of kindness –since that appears to be my unintended theme for this piece – there are universal things we can all agree to do to make working easier on everyone. The one key to this portion is to not spread ourselves too thin. In moderation kindness is good, but if you get so caught up in other people’s projects to not get your own work done, that gets into the territory of needing to cut things off for your own sake because you are being unkind to yourself, and you do need to put yourself first. That’s the most important action in the long run. Kindness to yourself does not necessarily mean you will be unkind to others, nor does it mean that you are soft and narcissistic. You are the one person who you can rely on to promote yourself. Keeping this trifecta in mind ensures you will be the best you can be.
– Cara Deromedi
Cara is a doctoral student in the Department of Plant Pathology and Microbiology.