The Importance of Setting Boundaries (All The Time, but Especially in Grad School)

Serina Taluja

We can all acknowledge on a sort of base-level that boundaries are important to have. You need to be able to prioritize what is important to you and stick to those priorities, and that mindset will probably help you out a lot as you navigate challenges during your life.

So, if we all agree on that general point, why is it that grad students often find themselves boundlessly working, or feeling like that’s the expectation of them during their time in grad school?

I think it starts with a heightened sense of responsibility for people around us. Often in graduate school, not only are you responsible for your own work, but you’re also a member of a research group. Sometimes this means getting out into the field with another team member to collect data, or helping review someone’s proposal, or taking a day to clean up the space you all share. There might even be an additional responsibility if you’re the most senior grad student to lead team efforts, too! Because your actions are not only affecting your work, but affecting everyone around you, you’ll often get the feeling of it being hard to say “no” to things in general

The same can be said if you hold a position in a student organization, or if you’re active in your graduate program- those added duties usually come with additional time-consuming responsibilities, which affect things much bigger than just you.

Even if you scale this issue all the way up to the university level (something you might have experience with from fellowship/grant-related duties or teaching), there’s a pressure on graduate students to not only positively represent the school, but also to help keep undergraduate education moving along at a high standard and a good pace.

That is, objectively, so much to think about! So, I’m here to let you know- you don’t have to do it all, you don’t have to be the best at everything, and it is absolutely okay to say “no”.

Some little ways to start incorporating boundaries into your graduate student career:

•    Try making a list of all the things that are important to you (not to your PI, not to your program advisor, not to the graduate school- just to you) and identify ways you can prioritize those things daily.
•    When you’re offered a new responsibility- a new teaching position, a new mentee, a new role in a student organization- really think about how much joy or success you feel that role will bring you. If it sounds exciting, in line with your career goals, something that will help push you towards graduation- do it!! But if you feel like you’re having to talk yourself into it- say no!!
•    If you feel comfortable- talk with your advisor about your current roles and responsibilities and see where you feel you can enforce boundaries that align with their expectations of you as their student.
•    Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Often, people actually feel about being asked for help, and maybe they’ll gain some new insights or skills out of helping you with your responsibilities.
•    Practice ways to respectfully say no. I do this almost daily, where I try to think of a situation in which I would need to tell someone “No” and think about how I would phrase it so I wouldn’t feel bad after! Some of my current favorites include “I don’t think I have the capacity to take that on at this time”, and “I’m flattered you thought of me for the position, but I don’t think I’ll be able to pursue it at the moment”.

No matter how you do it, at the end of the day, don’t forget that graduate school is a steppingstone for the career you want- so try to make sure the roles you take on within grad school align with your bigger plan. Saying “no” will also inevitably need to be a part of that big life plan someday (you can’t work every incredible job offer you’ll get when you’re finished here!), so start practicing now! Your time is too valuable to not set your boundaries according to your goals.