Pick Your Poison?

Priyadarshini

It is the start of another semester(!), and as much as I am looking forward to imbibing all the knowledge coming my way, part of me has always been scared to face anything new head-on. Graduate studies are meant to be a deep-dive into the topics you love, but my anxiousness to perform well makes facing any challenging content incredibly scary. 

For much of my school and undergraduate years, I have been driven to believe that my grades are a true indication of how much I’ve understood a particular topic and been able to then regurgitate it in exams. I have always chased the high of scoring 95+ and anything less felt like a slap on the wrist. Graduate school is a whole ‘nother ball game in that your grades are only riding shotgun now - your love for the subject is driving. Right from crafting purpose statements explaining your yearning to learn, to choosing subjects that you know will be an uphill battle - everything is done is in the pursuit of knowledge. And yet, I sometimes find myself dreading particular subjects just because I know that I probably won’t excel in their presentation or group project components. It is a struggle between my fear and determination to choose subjects that will teach me something new, but ultimately bring my GPA down because of how they are graded. 

Still, the more I think about it, it all comes down to hurting my future prospects. Do I want to hurt them by having a stellar GPA but knowing less, having skated by with nothing that challenged me, or do I want to hurt them by having an average GPA, but a stronger mindset that has faced every challenge and absorbed the given knowledge thoroughly? As an international student especially, the grades are all that I have to show for my learning, whether it is to friends and family or future employers. How can I prove I have “learnt well,” if that does not translate into an A+ on my report card?

Having looked at my seniors who have achieved the “American dream” and are highly-accomplished professionals in their fields, I come to the conclusion that while grades are a metric to be considered, they should no longer be propped up on a high pedestal. Giving them undue importance over real education can only hurt in the long run, because what use is a good grade if you cannot solve a problem that you have studied for? When a novice in the field asks me how to resolve an issue, I cannot brandish my transcript at them in lieu of an answer. Learning, failing, and growing are all part of the MS pipeline.

And so, I quash my baseless dread and choose that subject with the intense coursework and challenging grading. That A+ is not necessary, but giving my best will always be.